Tuesday, October 12, 2010

77 Outright Rajinikanth Facts

For those of you who were so unfortunate to not know about the Rajinikanth, here is a tip of the iceberg about him. Of course I understand you were amongst the unfortunate who were exiled to the planet Pluto, (all other planets are aware of Rajinikanth) and couldn’t keep up with the most illusive force on planet Earth.

What follows are 77 outright (an understatement indeed) facts about the man himself that demystifies (more than what Da Vinci did) literally every fact that you have ever known or would ever know. Some of the facts mentioned below are highlighted to do the intended justice.

Disclaimer: All the following facts, incidents or individuals involved are real and any resemblance to any person, living or dead is purely intentional.

  1. Rajinikanth killed the Dead Sea.
  2. When Rajinikanth does push-ups, he isn't lifting himself up. He is pushing the earth down.
  3. There is no such thing as evolution; it's just a list of creatures that Rajinikanth allowed to live.
  4. Rajinikanth gave Mona Lisa that smile.
  5. Rajinikanth can divide by zero.
  6. Rajinikanth can judge a book by its cover.
  7. Rajinikanth can drown a fish.
  8. Rajinikanth can delete the Recycle Bin.
  9. Rajinikanth once got into a fight with a VCR player. Now it plays DVDs.
  10. Rajinikanth can slam a revolving door.
  11. Rajinikanth once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are today called giraffes.
  12. Rajinikanth once ordered a plate of Idli in McDonald's, and got it.
  13. Rajinikanth can win at Solitaire with only 18 cards.
  14. The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Rajinikanth kicked one of the corners off.
  15. Rajinikanth can strangle you with a cordless phone.
  16. Rajinikanth destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
  17. Rajinikanth can watch the show 60 minutes in 20 minutes.
  18. Rajinikanth has counted to infinity, twice.
  19. Rajinikanth will attain separate statehood in 2013.
  20. Rajinikanth did in fact, build Rome in a day.
  21. Rajinikanth once got into a knife-fight. The knife lost.
  22. Rajinikanth can play the violin with a piano.
  23. Rajinikanth never wet his bed as a child. The bed wet itself in fear.
  24. The only man who ever outsmarted Rajinikanth was Stephen Hawking, and he got what he deserved.
  25. Rajinikanth doesn't breathe. Air hides in his lungs for protection.
  26. There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. Rajinikanth lives in Chennai.
  27. Rajinikanth kills Harry Potter in the eighth book.
  28. Rajinikanth does not own a stove, oven, or microwave, because revenge is a dish best served cold.
  29. Rajinikanth has already been to Mars, that's why there are no signs of life there.
  30. Rajinikanth doesn't move at the speed of light. Light moves at the speed of Rajinikanth.
  31. Water boils faster when Rajinikanth stares at it.
  32. Rajinikanth kills two stones with one bird.
  33. Google won't find Rajinikanth because you don't find Rajinikanth; Rajinikanth finds you.
  34. Rajinikanth gave the Joker those scars.
  35. Rajinikanth leaves messages before the beep.
  36. Rajinikanth electrocuted the Iron Man.
  37. Rajinikanth killed Spiderman using Baygon Anti Bug Spray.
  38. Rajinikanth can make PCs better than the Mac.
  39. Rajinikanth goes to court and sentences the judge.
  40. Rajinikanth can handle the truth.
  41. Rajinikanth can teach old dog new tricks.
  42. Rajinikanth calls Voldemort by his name.
  43. Rajinikanth's calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Rajinikanth.
  44. The last time Rajinikanth killed someone, he slapped himself to do it. The other guy just disintegrated. Resonance.
  45. Rajinikanth is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
  46. Rajinikanth once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.
  47. Rajinikanth does not get frostbite. Rajinikanth bites frost.
  48. Rajinikanth doesn't wear a watch. He decides what time it is.
  49. Rajinikanth got his driver’s license at the age of 16 seconds.
  50. When you say "no one is perfect", Rajinikanth takes this as a personal insult.
  51. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Rajinikanth could use to kill you, including the room itself.
  52. Words like awesomeness, brilliance, legendary etc. were added to the dictionary in the year 1949. That was the year Rajinikanth was born.
  53. The statement "nobody can cheat death” is a personal insult to Rajinikanth. He cheats and fools death every day.
  54. When Rajinikanth is asked to kill someone he doesn't know, he shoots the bullet and directs it the day he finds out.
  55. Rajinikanth can double click 2 icons at the same time.
  56. Rajinikanth doesn't answer nature's call; nature answers Rajinikanth's call.
  57. Rajinikanth house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.
  58. Rajinikanth is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
  59. When Rajinikanth plays Monopoly, it affects the actual world economy.
  60. Rajinikanth does not style his hair. It lies perfectly in place out of sheer terror.
  61. Rajinikanth‘s first job was as a bus conductor. There were no survivors.
  62. If at first you don't succeed, you're not Rajinikanth.
  63. We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Rajinikanth.
  64. Once a cobra bit Rajinikanth' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
  65. There is no such thing as global warming. Rajinikanth was feeling cold, so brought the sun closer to heat the earth up.
  66. Archaeologists unearthed an old English dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Rajinikanth".
  67. Rajinikanth doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint out of fear.
  68. Rajinikanth's every step creates a mini whirlwind. Hurricane Katrina was the result of a morning jog.
  69. Rajinikanth doesn't shower. He only takes blood baths.
  70. Rajinikanth can answer a missed call.
  71. As a child when Rajinikanth had dyslexia, he simply re-scripted the alphabet.
  72. Rajinikanth sneezed only once in his entire life, that's when the tsunami occurred in the Indian Ocean.
  73. Time and tide wait for Rajinikanth.
  74. Rajinikanth knows what women really want.
  75. Rajinikanth can give pain to Painkillers and headache to Anacin.
  76. Rajinikanth has a wax statue of Madame Tussauds in his house!
  77. ‎Once Dinosaurs borrowed money from Rajinikanth and refused to pay him back. That was the last time anyone saw Dinosaurs.

Dare not doubt on any of the above mentioned facts, for they are true to the last bit that stores them on the screen.

The inspiration of the post came from the movie Robot (Endhiran), the mention of which, should indefinitely terminate all the questions that might be jumping on and off your head.

Feel free to contribute any other notable fact about the Rajinikanth (and yes, its Rajini and not Rajni).

Mind it™!

1 comment:

  1. One more to add....

    Rajini is latest avatar of God on this planet earth.